To love a prostitute

From WikiStory

Part One: The early years

He'd been an average student, feeling the strain of going through the disappointment which a university education had turned to be. In his mind, higher education was about precision, honesty and academic excellence. For him instead it was about having few friends, not taking part of the regular beer & piss parties and generally realising the fact that he was wasting his fucking time on all that dribble which some called classes.

He finally left without a degree (but with the honour of being stoic enough to leave with only one course unfinished) and started using his talents to find real rewarding work in his field of choice. Part of the baggage was a girlfriend which he learnt to love, and which taught each other the fine art of love making - mostly in his bed whenever his parents were away.

At the time he thought she was the hottest thing in bed ever produced by any of the gods, and he probably was right - she wasn't a stunner, but she could get so wet so quickly that one could only describe her inner thighs as flowing with industrial mechanical lubricant. He loved it, and he loved her.

Part Two: The escape

After a few years doing pretty well for himself in various semi-prestigious jobs (i.e., jobs which you could learn to love if you were a pig salesman), he managed to swindle a much better job with an international conglomerate in what he thought was not a backwater shit-hole country like the one where he had lived his whole life. He thought they would never give him a job for his lack of a "degree", but he still went for it - it worked (in part because he tricked various reputable tearchers and employers to sign recommendation letters which he drew up himself) and a couple of months later he was in rainy England working for XYZ Corporation - a fine purveyor and seller of services for the industry of shifting bits around wires. For a few months, he was as happy as a clam - his job was great, he lived in arguably the most beautiful little city in the world (which probably was true) and his girlfriend, despite being away, had agreed to join him as soon as she could find a job.

Part Three: The Asian connection

In his office there was this seriously hot asian chick which had really impressed him by her ability to laugh loudly... actually, it was mostly because he had seen her play badmington, and she had thighs which could crush a dustbin in a single fell swoop. He was impressed, and given the 2300 kilometers which separated him from his girlfriend, he decide it would be a really good idea to basically attempt to get laid - fuck, if he could pull it off clearly he was a demi-god and that could catapult his ego to new heights.

One day, he walked to her and asked her out. "Hey, how would you like to visit a museum over the weekend ?"

She must have been seriously bemused by this idiot asking her out for a trip to the museum - she agreed. He still wonders why today.

That same weekend they went ahead with his plan - she found the museum interesting for a full 4 minutes, and they then left for lunch. Two hours later they were in her house - some chatting and eating some rank food he had attempted to cook, and she asked him if he would like to stay (even though she made the feedble attempt of convincing him this was not a "sex thing").

Amazingly, he actually believed she asked him to stay so he didn't have to drive back the 3.5 miles which separated his and her place, and actually behaved throughout the night - all he did was talk crap, telling her he had a girlfriend (which he later realised was such a stupid thing to do he should have been struck by lightning right there and then as punishment), proving his manliness by rubbing her feet, and driving to the supermarket at 6am the next day to get her some breakfast. "Fuck! I am such a gentleman!" he though to himself - "I didn't get laid, but hey, she will be seriously impressed by my feet rubbing technique and kitchen manners!"

He returned, they went out to some stupid nearby park, held hands and generally fell in love (well, he did - she was just giving him a hint that next time he should really get his face around her vulva).

Part Four: He leaves his girlfriend

He believed he was in love - and what do you do when you are in love with someone who is not your existing girlfriend ? (this is now a test)

a) you leave your girlfriend ASAP, b) you get yourself in a position where you get as much sex as you can with the subject of your affection and then leave your girlfriend when you are sure it is a good idea to do so.

He chose option a) - which over time proved to be both stupid and fruitful (this is how lucky this moron is), mostly because his existing girlfriend admired his sincerity (and the fact he didn't just have sex with this third-party, even though in reality that is what he really, really wanted) and didn't just tell him to go and fuck himself just there and then. Why she didn't is also a mystery to this day.

Part Five: Things don't go as planned