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From WikiStory

Hey Ryan --

          This is an engaging story. It is unusual and sort of feels like reading Alice in Wonderland. Very cool.

          A couple of suggestions: Try to avoid cliches, such as "rough and tumble." Cliches can cheapen your wonderful, original writing.

          Also, I think your story is sophisticated and clever, and you should omit the part where you explain to the girl that the characters represent parts of yourself. The reader already gets it. It is easily surmised from the events that take place in the house as the story progresses. When you explain it, it sort of dumbs down the story, and there is no need to do that.

          This story is clever and has a stylized feel to it. I'd like to know more about how the narrator wants to change his life. Will he re-embrace music, for example?

Thanks for an entertaining and interesting read! - Paperweight